Super fascinating book and I appreciated the author sticking mostly with comments/assumptions that are quantifiable. There's a little sexism/gender assumptions but he largely uses qualifiers to remind the reader that human behavior is never 100% anything, and certainly not when making the assumptions based on sex. I like that. This book was obviously written by an actual scientist. Now, onto the juicy parts:
"Men, by and large, are reluctant to dive head first into emotional issues. But why? Much of the answer seems to lie in the vast gulf between what men and women learn about intimacy as children. In a nutshell, boys typically are not taught the skills necessary to navigate though the shifting emotional tides of a relationship, while girls are given intense schooling on the subject. Like a person thrown overboard without first being taught how to swim, the average men is understandably fearful of drowning in the same whirlpool of emotion that a woman easily glides through every day. Add to this some compelling evidence that men have a stronger physiological reaction to certain emotions than do women, and it becomes easy to understand why the world of feelings is, by and large, outside most men's comfort zone."
"Because men are so vulnerable to feeling flooded, a wife's criticism can easily cause the husband to withdrawal. The wife is then likely to interpret his response as a rejection of her because she doesn't realize that he's feeling flooded. She couldn't imagine needing to withdrawal over such a minor criticism, even if she were a bit hurt by it. Not understanding the intensity of what her husband is feeling, his reaction seems utterly unreasonable to her." (Remember that women aren't good candidates more major leadership positions because they are too "emotional"! /s)
"Because boys and girls are socialized in such different ways throughout childhood, each gender receives almost opposite messages about lovemaking. Boys learn to see sex either as pure pleasure disconnected from emotional commitment or as a vehicle for getting close to a girl. For many teenaged boys and men, there are no emotional prerequisites for having sex because emotional closeness is the goal, not the cause, of a sex act. In contrast, women by and large need to feel physical and emotional closeness and tenderness before wanting to have sex. Making love confirms intimacy rather than creates it for most women. I can't count how often I've heard women complain, 'He never touches me or say sweet things unless he wants sex.'.... Or 'I don't want him to touch my breasts or clitoris first thing. Even though I've told him this, he never remembers that I like to be caressed all over, hugged, kissed, massaged and cherished first. Otherwise, sex doesn't feel good, it feels invasive.' "
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