Welp, everyone needs to read this book! It's pretty much a giant list of all the way women get screwed in modern society and we can't get to fixing these problems if you don't even see them (looking at you, men).
- "In expressing anger and demanding to be heard, we reveal the deeper belief that we can engage with and shape the world around us, a right that, until now, has almost always been reserved for me."
- "That anger metaphors are filled with kitchen imagery: anger simmers and smolders before reaching a boiling point, a person has to mull things over and cool off, that we are supposed to contain or put a lid on our anger or it will leave a bad taste in the mouth, strikes me as a more than an interesting coincidence. As women, we often have to bite our tongues, eat our words and swallow our pride. It's almost as one of my daughters put it, as if we're supposed to keep our anger in the kitchen."
- "A society that does not respect women's anger, is one that does not respect women, not as human beings, thinkers, knowers, as active participants or citizens. Women around the world are clearly angry and acting on that emotion. That means, inevitability, a backlash. Often among moderates who are fond of disparaging angry women as dangerous and unhinged. It is easier to criticize the angry woman than to ask the questions: What is making you so angry? And, what can we do about it? The answers to which have disruptive and revolutionary implications."
- "In my experience, it is difficult for parents to accept that boys can and should control themselves and meet the same behavioral standards that we expect from girls. It's even harder to accept that girls feel angry and have legitimate rights not to make themselves cheerfully available for boys' development."
- "In 1976, in one of the earliest attempts to understand how parental biases influence behavior. Researches intentionally masked babies gender and asked adults to describe what they saw when they observed them. adults "saw" different emotional states, whether they thought the baby was a boy or a girl. A fussy boy, for example, was considered irritable and angry, whereas a fussy girl was more likely to be described as angry or sad."
- "The dynamic of who gets to express anger matters in all unequal social relationships. Among men, status related to race, ethnicity and class also limits the expression of rage and affects the perception of risk. Within like groups, however, meaning same class or ethnicity for example, it is generally more appropriate for women to keep anger to themselves."
- "Leisure time highlights the problem. In the United States, a recent survey revealed that men engage in relaxing and entertaining activities 35% of the time that women are doing chores. For women, that number is almost half 19%."
- "A 12 year longitudinal study which assess change over time, found a 70% increase in cancer related deaths in people with the highest scores for suppressing their negative emotions. A follow-up to a 1989 study on this topic found that the survival rate for women with breast cancer who suppressed their anger was twice that of women who kept their anger to themselves."
- "However, studies show that men reliably overestimate their domestic contributions. Many men also undermine efforts at equalizing the distribution of work. In one 2014 study conducted in the United Kingdom by a large retailer, 30% of survey heterosexual men admitted to purposefully doing housework poorly so their partners would stop asking and do the work themselves."
- "Most of us learn to think that boys and men are the world's risk takers, but that's only because we don't seriously address the risks women must take as they navigate boys and men."
- "...found that boys speak 9-10 times more. Her work examining the gendered construction of speech in early childhood confirms earlier findings that in western classrooms boys are allowed by adults to consume 5 times as much verbal space through, as she put it "imperceptible signals of significance", over girls."
- "This compliance puts girls and women at a disadvantage as the move into collage and the workplace where disruptive speech is an element of competence, self-promotion and competitiveness."
- "Anger, not sadness, leads to perceptions of higher status and respect. Like happy people, angry people are more optimistic, feeling that change is possible and that they influence outcomes. ... have shown that anger, unlike sadness, encourages "unstructured thinking" when a person is engaged in creative tasks and that people who are angry are better at generating more ideas."
- "We look away from girls anger and collude in the systems that erode their sense of worth. Then turn around and wonder what it is about their nature that makes them so lacking in confidence as women."
- "Boys and girls parted ways when asked to describe actual incidents of sexual violence. Sexism against boys and men was discussed primarily in rhetorical, theoretical and speculative ways. Whereas sexism against girls and women was shared in painful individual or witnessed incidence. When students were asked where, if anywhere, does sexism come up in your everyday life, girls told personal stories of sexual harassment or violence, denigrating humor and demeaning stereotyping. The boys, however, provided mainly hypotheticals. All of the students reported witnessing acts of sexism against girls and women. There were virtually no actual examples of anti-male sexism, instead students focused, for instance, on stereotypes in advertising."
- "People who deny sexism will always be more hostile to your anger, than to what is actually causing your anger."
- "As children, we learn that the realm of feelings is feminine. So it is easy for men and boys to fall into a habit of outsourcing relationships, social networking, and the emotional work that comes with them."
- "Faking orgasms, which up to 80% of women say they do, is a good example of how the belief that men are owed nurturing emotional protection and niceness from women plays out in intimate ways."
- "Boys are 10% more like to be paid for work at home."
- "When women make up roughly 17% of a crowd scene (an eerie coincidence with leadership percentages) viewers perceive a 50/50 gender balance. There is an auditory corollary to this visual one. When women speak 30% of the time in mixed gender conversations, listeners think they dominate."
- "A common response is to empathize by defining women, the ultimate in unhelpful, patriarchal thinking, relationally, my daughter, my wife, my sister, my mother. This defines women not by their rights as individuals, but as extension of men and their rights."
- "Societies with his levels of household and interpersonal sexism are also the least stable and secure. ... showing that the greatest predictor of a nation's peacefulness and security is the way that girls are treated in their own homes."
